Is all this pain even worth it??? Are all the endless tears I’ve cried worth it? Does this relationship even have a future??? Is it fair to give so much time and effort and love to one person.. and get nothing in return.. save a few insults and endless discouragement…??
What is the point of saying u love me… and giving me diamond pendants to add materialization to that love.. when 3 days later you’ll hit me and start the vicious cycle all over again????
Why do I waste so much time thinking of you?
Why do I waste so many nights cryin cause we had another fight?
Why do I waste so much money trying to find solace in the words of my friends?
When I know that there is no use.. and even if u ARE sorry… that feeling evaporates in a day or so!!
You are my father.. someone I am supposed to look up to.. but I am only ashamed to talk to you and about you.. to go anywhere with you, in case I meet someone I know.. cause God knows what you can do and how you can behave at any given point of time.
Just because you have created me and brought me into this world, just because you have done your parental duties of feeding and clothing and educating me… does NOT mean that you treat me as a slave you have purchased, meant to be beaten and abused, treated any way you like. You CANNOT but my love thru crystals and diamonds. Because for me, parental love is about affection and encouragement and acceptance. And I received none of these from you. You think I hate you? If what I have for you is hate, then what you have for me exceeds all verbal descriptions of any hateful or vengeful emotion.
You believe that I will kill you?? U have already begun to put thoughts of running away into my head.
You are disappointed in me… and I am truly sorry that I am the one who brings you so much pain and heartache... and I am sorry that you have to waste so much time and energy on me, not to mention money.. but.. sorry.. that’s the way I am.. and you have to accept it.
You don’t let me live the life that a normal teenager deserves to live. You do not let me have the space that I so urgently need now. You do not encourage me in anything I do or say or plan, you have no loving feelings for me and you hit me at the slightest opportunity… and u still expect me to take all this crap lying down, accept it quietly.. and move on???
Sorry.
But that isn’t going to happen. As much as you would want it to.
This was the last time I took the shouting and screaming and hatred. Next time… I don’t noe wat I’ll do.
And.. if I choose not to live with you, or not live at all… you’ll only have yourself to blame.
And I sincerely hope that guilt will eat your mind.. and I hope you will regret all the times that you have wronged me so severely.
And if you don’t, then you’re worse than I thought.