is this normal?
to be feelin this way so soon?
to be missing him sooo much 40 mins after i met him?
or is it weird...?
should i get so emotionally involved in this or will it end up in me ... criying in a corner... callin up people for consolations... and wondering why i got into this in the first place?
or will it have a happy ending?
will he be my prince charming?
and will it all be hunky-dory?
hmmm..
he isn't here now..
missin him like crazy..
god knows wat i'll do without him.. 2 days gna seem like 2 lifetimes...
*sniff*
anyway..
tc..
god bless..
me..

in a pensive mood..
and m thinkin....
why is it such an enviable thing if you have a boyfriend??
i mean... aren't friends enough>>
at 16... a long term commitment isn't at the top of our list...
and.. neither is sex!!!(for most ppl i noe atleast..!!!)
so..
what's the big deal if you have someone whose hand you can hold.. and someone you can bring to parties or someone who you can drag to see movies...???
friends can fill those spaces.... i think.!
anyway..
was just wondering..
maybe u do need a guy for tht "special" level of intimacy..
but.. long term jus doesn't make sense to me right now...
and boy..
thank god it doesn't!!!
anyway...
byee..
m off...
ttyl..
god bless...
me...

Is all this pain even worth it??? Are all the endless tears I’ve cried worth it? Does this relationship even have a future??? Is it fair to give so much time and effort and love to one person.. and get nothing in return.. save a few insults and endless discouragement…??
What is the point of saying u love me… and giving me diamond pendants to add materialization to that love.. when 3 days later you’ll hit me and start the vicious cycle all over again????
Why do I waste so much time thinking of you?
Why do I waste so many nights cryin cause we had another fight?
Why do I waste so much money trying to find solace in the words of my friends?
When I know that there is no use.. and even if u ARE sorry… that feeling evaporates in a day or so!!
You are my father.. someone I am supposed to look up to.. but I am only ashamed to talk to you and about you.. to go anywhere with you, in case I meet someone I know.. cause God knows what you can do and how you can behave at any given point of time.
Just because you have created me and brought me into this world, just because you have done your parental duties of feeding and clothing and educating me… does NOT mean that you treat me as a slave you have purchased, meant to be beaten and abused, treated any way you like. You CANNOT but my love thru crystals and diamonds. Because for me, parental love is about affection and encouragement and acceptance. And I received none of these from you. You think I hate you? If what I have for you is hate, then what you have for me exceeds all verbal descriptions of any hateful or vengeful emotion.
You believe that I will kill you?? U have already begun to put thoughts of running away into my head.
You are disappointed in me… and I am truly sorry that I am the one who brings you so much pain and heartache... and I am sorry that you have to waste so much time and energy on me, not to mention money.. but.. sorry.. that’s the way I am.. and you have to accept it.
You don’t let me live the life that a normal teenager deserves to live. You do not let me have the space that I so urgently need now. You do not encourage me in anything I do or say or plan, you have no loving feelings for me and you hit me at the slightest opportunity… and u still expect me to take all this crap lying down, accept it quietly.. and move on???
Sorry.
But that isn’t going to happen. As much as you would want it to.
This was the last time I took the shouting and screaming and hatred. Next time… I don’t noe wat I’ll do.
And.. if I choose not to live with you, or not live at all… you’ll only have yourself to blame.
And I sincerely hope that guilt will eat your mind.. and I hope you will regret all the times that you have wronged me so severely.
And if you don’t, then you’re worse than I thought.

ok...
so this week has been F-U-N..!!!!
have been readin lots n lots of blogs on the net....
quite interesting... sply this one :
www.ahdokboy.blogspot.com
is really cute...
very engrossing...
anyway..
this week....
saturday:
attempted a reconciliational meetin wid neeha and pooja..... added perks were sancharee and divyak.....
met at inorbit...
went for SOCHA NA THA...... *muffled laugh*
all in all went well.....
bt of crse der were d usual fuk-ups...
me n sanchi went by rik and neeha n pooja waited for bus... slight feeling of hurt......
in pizza hut dd d gr8 decides to play court martial n i discover tht...accordin to neeha... m TWO-FACED.~!!!(i dun think so..!!!!)
and d rest of day....same ol' same ol'


sunday:
hahahahah....
tell mum m goin for french..
go n meet raza at barista...
is lotsa fun...
we bond so well.!!!!
and then he drops me home....no hanky panky on d way.!!!!(lol....)
and d rest of sunday is spent doin d history review..on d taj mahal and goa..
just realized tht it ws quite excitin.!!



monday:
have planed to lie to mum n tell her m goin 2 coll n actually meet raza n frnds...
but my conscience pricks me ...so i tell her the truth, the whole truth and nothin but d truth.!!!
we meet at 12..his place...spend "romantic time" in the LOBBY..~~~~~!!!(lol!!!)
and we're off to inorbit..
we reach half an hour early so we roam arnd... grab a cofee.... and plan to watch constantine....a 1.50 show...
his frnds arrive late *scornful laugh*..... so expected.!!!!
finally soham n shagun n some other sad sad ppl arrive... shagun seems nice... then vj n swati {who duz luk like tanya!!!!!!} n subah n charisma arrive... at 2.!!!!!! and we enter the theatre at 2.15 cuz we're waitin 4 chari's guy.... soham is practically floodin inorbit with his drool.... man i dun like him.!!!!
so..
they have planned everythin VERY carefulli n onli d 2 couples go 4 d movie...
and we dun even sit togeda..!!!(hahahah... need i say more.?????)
basically..
dun even ASK me to give u review....
hahahah
i realli dint wathch much!!!!
interval...
me n chairisma giggle together while d guys go 2 buy popcorn..
and d rest of the movie goes on as before...
then sum pretty confused together time..
and we go home...


tuesday:
me n anusuya bunk d gym n go to croissants(!!!!!)... eat there... n go 2 da beach...
i leave home late..
miss my train...and get caught by d t.c. cuz i've forgotten my pass.!!!!!
lie to her and get away with a 95 buck fine... as opposed to 354.!!!!
and den reach coll... attend d most borin lecture EVER!!!
joy o joy m not on d defaulter's list.!!!! *broaaad smile*
and den on d way out raza calls and i arrange to meet him in mocha in an hour...
get d train... give my seat up to a lady wid a baby....
reach mocha.. needless to say i meet a lot o ppl i noe...
sit there wid his frnds.. vinayak n sadaf have a fight..n i get a bit bugged wid vinayak...
then we shift tables..
and sit on the mattresses inside...
me raza vinayak n shreya..
d 2 cplz in their own worlds.!!
oddly enough...
sadaf keeps on starin at me n raza so i cant even hold his hand.!!!
then they leave so it's onli d 4 of u s n shaahid hu is too busy smokin his life away.(!!!)
so we talk n hug and talk n hug...
and then we get up to leave..
wen we're out..
i see someone frm my bldg... *momentary fear*
meet sum more ppl..
and get into d rik..
drop raza to his coll..
go home..
surf...
etc..
in d nite..
spk to raza 4 sum time.. n anusuya n mihir...
then i give vinayak a missed call...jus 4 d heck of it..
n at 1 in d nite..
he calls back.!!!
so we talk for like an hour..
i ask him y he fot wid sadaf an he says she was bitchin bout me..
and she's "j" cuz she used to like raza and he said i dun think so gimme time...
and in tht "time" we strtd goin out.!!
so i say ohhh thts y she was starin
n then i feel bad cuz i ws bugged wid vinayak..
we tak tak tak n then i call raza spk to him till 2.30... his battery is low so d phone goes off....
n i sleep....

tht's been the past few days....
p.s: i really love my frnds i jus realised how lucky i am.!!!
p.s. 2 : divyak has called is blog COMEINTOMYWORLD..~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!! (HAHAHAHAHAHA.!)
alrite...
tc..
signin off....
me...!!!
god bless...

*+^ HAPI HAPI ME!!!!!!! *+^

it's like..
i used to dream
n hope
for someone....like him..
and i found him...in the MOST unexpected place.!!!PLAY REHEARSAL!!!
and i jus tht he was: "MAN HU I HAVE TO WORK WITH"
and he's not!!!
*beams*
it may seem like i'm braggin bout it..but i'm not...
lolzz
me.......!!!i suffer from low self esteem!!!!!!
he makes me happy...
he knows me..
he loves me..as a person...unlike some other "FREAKS"(!!!!!!)
and he lets me be myself..
*happy sigh*
*ear to ear grin*
but...
(yeah there has to be a but!!!!)
i'm scared.
petrified if u please.
wonderin...if it's too good to be true.....
if..
it's all it seems to be..
in my usual pessimistic way..
i've been told...
just enjoy it as it comes..but i can't...
so..
hopefully..i'm wrong..and it'll last...
and hopefully everything will be fine...
*crosses fingers*!!!
signin off...
god bless...
me.