*+^ WHY? *+^

im thinkin...
its such a depressin world..!!!!
life is just so fuk all...
examzzz
and bfzzz
and parents...!!!
why is this happenin..
i mean... i noe m not the only 1
but...
waaaaa...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and now hes goin to goa f !@#$%^&*n alibagh crap...!!!
and...!!
i donno y m so buggd bout it
i wnt him to do stuff without hvin to tell him
why r guys so DAFT!?!?!?!
HELPPPPP....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Incomplete [Backstreet Boys]
Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I'm going is anybody's guess

I've tried to go on like
I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

I don't mean to drag it on, but I can't seem to let you go
I don't wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
Incomplete

very very weird situation..
i've been told to post summin bout her situation..
lol...
dude...
wat do i say????
ok..
here goes nuin..!!!!!
name: nazneen vakil
age: 16
occupation: student
description: cute...bubbly..animal lover...innocent..can be gullible...mad about hot men
situation: lives in vasai(no..tht isn't even in bombay!!)...
dwelling too far from college grounds...hence the decision to send target to a hostel
all d best wishes from her friends and family are with her..
yo baby
i sesly dunno wat to say now
sorry yaar naz...
mmmmuah so sorry
but wateva man
hpe it's ok..
love u..mmmuah..!!!!!!!!

i'm not sure if i even care anymore...
but i do noe tht i'll miss our mad conversations...
bout "L" and "J" and...
others....
and d diets and d anorexia....
hehehe...
i'll miss d crap we used to do in class..
i'll miss one of my best friends in class...one who i told everything...
there's something bout u that i can't place...
something..
weird...
that no-one can understand..
but..
wat can i say...
tc..
was nice bein a close frnd...
signin off..
me..
god bless..

dunno if i've done the right thing or not..
but i hope something good comes outta it..
it ws gettin too much.. the small stupid fights.. the "getting annoyed"... all in jus a week...of a 2 mnth relationship...maybe we were seein too much of each other..maybe we were jus meant to be friends and we aren't destined to have a non platonic relationship..maybe i'm blowing things outta proportion..maybe...
there are so many maybe's......
maybe..
i'm not meant to see happier days..
but i noe now...that i dun love him as much as i used to..and i hope this break will do us some good..
if there is an us anymore..
i have soo many questions in my head..
does he still love me??
does he love me at all??
does he hv feelings for another gurl??
ws this whole thing worth getin into at all??
....
hellp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
signin off...
me..
god bless...

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr................
he jus gets ON MY NERVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i jus can't stand his voice anymore..oh yeah.. and i'm the bane of his life...and i'm the one who makes him n mom fight..and i'm d non achiever and i'm the one who will not amount to anythin in life while my frnds will become doctors and engineers and the like...he will give to me in writing tht i will be beaten in the boards by all the people who he used to call idiotsi only talk on the phone...i'm an agony aunt... i am irreligious... and fat... and all my friends are only using me...because i call them back..
FUKER....WAT DO U NOE?WAT DO U FUKIN CARE?DO U EVEN NOE WATS HAPPENIN IN MY LIFE?U THINK U CAN TERRORIZE ME???BALLS.......GET YOUR OWN LIFE AND STOP FUKIN ARND WID MINELET ME LIVE IT AS I WANNAU MAY BE MY FATHER BUT I AM NECK DEEP IN YR SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AND I DUN WANNA TAKE IT ANYMORE...YR THE ONE WHO'S GONNA MAKE ME TAKE MY OWN LIFE WITHOUT THINKIN OF PPL HU REALLY CARE FOR ME..LIKE MUM..AND MY FRNDS..AND RAZA...YE.BELIEVE IT.PEOPLE DO CARE FOR ME.SURPRISIN HUH?THE DUD THAT U HAVE REARED IN YR HOUSE..THE IDIOT HU WILL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING TO LIFE AND HU ONLI DESERVES YR BAD WORDS AND ABUSES..AND HETRED...PEOPLE CARE FOR HER.NOW I NOE WHR I GT MY LOW SELF ESTEEM FROMU NOE WAT................I HAVE MADE A LOT OF MISTAKES..... AND I HAVE A LOT OF REGRETS..BUT THE MAIN REGRET IS UNFORTUNATELY ONE THAT I CANNOT CHANGETHAT I HAVE U AS A FATHER...I CRINGE EVEN WHILE WRITIN THE WORD..BECAUSE IT IS IN CONNECTION WID U.AND FATHER IS TOO NICE A WORD TO BE USED IN RELATION 2 U.
FUK OFF MAN...
U WERE BETTER WEN U WERE ILL..
AND NOW YR RIGHT..
I AM THE ONLI DAUGHTER WHO WANTS HER FATHER DEAD..EVER WONDERED WHY??????????

i tht we had something that no one else could have.. u were one of the two people who made me believe in best frnds again...and u were the one person who shattered that.
i was the only one who suported u wen u told everyone u were a lesbian
i spoke to yr mom 4 hrs..and she cried on my shoulder..
i told her not to ostracize u..tht u were her daughter and u would need her support more than anything else..
i helped u home when u were drunk
i put you to bed and waited till u fell asleep
and u 4got this..all of it..jus 4 one afternoon of bitchin???
thank u..
u hv shown me yr tru colours..
and u hv left an indelibe impression in my mind..tht of deceit and betrayal
thank u..
bitch

is this normal?
to be feelin this way so soon?
to be missing him sooo much 40 mins after i met him?
or is it weird...?
should i get so emotionally involved in this or will it end up in me ... criying in a corner... callin up people for consolations... and wondering why i got into this in the first place?
or will it have a happy ending?
will he be my prince charming?
and will it all be hunky-dory?
hmmm..
he isn't here now..
missin him like crazy..
god knows wat i'll do without him.. 2 days gna seem like 2 lifetimes...
*sniff*
anyway..
tc..
god bless..
me..

in a pensive mood..
and m thinkin....
why is it such an enviable thing if you have a boyfriend??
i mean... aren't friends enough>>
at 16... a long term commitment isn't at the top of our list...
and.. neither is sex!!!(for most ppl i noe atleast..!!!)
so..
what's the big deal if you have someone whose hand you can hold.. and someone you can bring to parties or someone who you can drag to see movies...???
friends can fill those spaces.... i think.!
anyway..
was just wondering..
maybe u do need a guy for tht "special" level of intimacy..
but.. long term jus doesn't make sense to me right now...
and boy..
thank god it doesn't!!!
anyway...
byee..
m off...
ttyl..
god bless...
me...

Is all this pain even worth it??? Are all the endless tears I’ve cried worth it? Does this relationship even have a future??? Is it fair to give so much time and effort and love to one person.. and get nothing in return.. save a few insults and endless discouragement…??
What is the point of saying u love me… and giving me diamond pendants to add materialization to that love.. when 3 days later you’ll hit me and start the vicious cycle all over again????
Why do I waste so much time thinking of you?
Why do I waste so many nights cryin cause we had another fight?
Why do I waste so much money trying to find solace in the words of my friends?
When I know that there is no use.. and even if u ARE sorry… that feeling evaporates in a day or so!!
You are my father.. someone I am supposed to look up to.. but I am only ashamed to talk to you and about you.. to go anywhere with you, in case I meet someone I know.. cause God knows what you can do and how you can behave at any given point of time.
Just because you have created me and brought me into this world, just because you have done your parental duties of feeding and clothing and educating me… does NOT mean that you treat me as a slave you have purchased, meant to be beaten and abused, treated any way you like. You CANNOT but my love thru crystals and diamonds. Because for me, parental love is about affection and encouragement and acceptance. And I received none of these from you. You think I hate you? If what I have for you is hate, then what you have for me exceeds all verbal descriptions of any hateful or vengeful emotion.
You believe that I will kill you?? U have already begun to put thoughts of running away into my head.
You are disappointed in me… and I am truly sorry that I am the one who brings you so much pain and heartache... and I am sorry that you have to waste so much time and energy on me, not to mention money.. but.. sorry.. that’s the way I am.. and you have to accept it.
You don’t let me live the life that a normal teenager deserves to live. You do not let me have the space that I so urgently need now. You do not encourage me in anything I do or say or plan, you have no loving feelings for me and you hit me at the slightest opportunity… and u still expect me to take all this crap lying down, accept it quietly.. and move on???
Sorry.
But that isn’t going to happen. As much as you would want it to.
This was the last time I took the shouting and screaming and hatred. Next time… I don’t noe wat I’ll do.
And.. if I choose not to live with you, or not live at all… you’ll only have yourself to blame.
And I sincerely hope that guilt will eat your mind.. and I hope you will regret all the times that you have wronged me so severely.
And if you don’t, then you’re worse than I thought.

ok...
so this week has been F-U-N..!!!!
have been readin lots n lots of blogs on the net....
quite interesting... sply this one :
www.ahdokboy.blogspot.com
is really cute...
very engrossing...
anyway..
this week....
saturday:
attempted a reconciliational meetin wid neeha and pooja..... added perks were sancharee and divyak.....
met at inorbit...
went for SOCHA NA THA...... *muffled laugh*
all in all went well.....
bt of crse der were d usual fuk-ups...
me n sanchi went by rik and neeha n pooja waited for bus... slight feeling of hurt......
in pizza hut dd d gr8 decides to play court martial n i discover tht...accordin to neeha... m TWO-FACED.~!!!(i dun think so..!!!!)
and d rest of day....same ol' same ol'


sunday:
hahahahah....
tell mum m goin for french..
go n meet raza at barista...
is lotsa fun...
we bond so well.!!!!
and then he drops me home....no hanky panky on d way.!!!!(lol....)
and d rest of sunday is spent doin d history review..on d taj mahal and goa..
just realized tht it ws quite excitin.!!



monday:
have planed to lie to mum n tell her m goin 2 coll n actually meet raza n frnds...
but my conscience pricks me ...so i tell her the truth, the whole truth and nothin but d truth.!!!
we meet at 12..his place...spend "romantic time" in the LOBBY..~~~~~!!!(lol!!!)
and we're off to inorbit..
we reach half an hour early so we roam arnd... grab a cofee.... and plan to watch constantine....a 1.50 show...
his frnds arrive late *scornful laugh*..... so expected.!!!!
finally soham n shagun n some other sad sad ppl arrive... shagun seems nice... then vj n swati {who duz luk like tanya!!!!!!} n subah n charisma arrive... at 2.!!!!!! and we enter the theatre at 2.15 cuz we're waitin 4 chari's guy.... soham is practically floodin inorbit with his drool.... man i dun like him.!!!!
so..
they have planned everythin VERY carefulli n onli d 2 couples go 4 d movie...
and we dun even sit togeda..!!!(hahahah... need i say more.?????)
basically..
dun even ASK me to give u review....
hahahah
i realli dint wathch much!!!!
interval...
me n chairisma giggle together while d guys go 2 buy popcorn..
and d rest of the movie goes on as before...
then sum pretty confused together time..
and we go home...


tuesday:
me n anusuya bunk d gym n go to croissants(!!!!!)... eat there... n go 2 da beach...
i leave home late..
miss my train...and get caught by d t.c. cuz i've forgotten my pass.!!!!!
lie to her and get away with a 95 buck fine... as opposed to 354.!!!!
and den reach coll... attend d most borin lecture EVER!!!
joy o joy m not on d defaulter's list.!!!! *broaaad smile*
and den on d way out raza calls and i arrange to meet him in mocha in an hour...
get d train... give my seat up to a lady wid a baby....
reach mocha.. needless to say i meet a lot o ppl i noe...
sit there wid his frnds.. vinayak n sadaf have a fight..n i get a bit bugged wid vinayak...
then we shift tables..
and sit on the mattresses inside...
me raza vinayak n shreya..
d 2 cplz in their own worlds.!!
oddly enough...
sadaf keeps on starin at me n raza so i cant even hold his hand.!!!
then they leave so it's onli d 4 of u s n shaahid hu is too busy smokin his life away.(!!!)
so we talk n hug and talk n hug...
and then we get up to leave..
wen we're out..
i see someone frm my bldg... *momentary fear*
meet sum more ppl..
and get into d rik..
drop raza to his coll..
go home..
surf...
etc..
in d nite..
spk to raza 4 sum time.. n anusuya n mihir...
then i give vinayak a missed call...jus 4 d heck of it..
n at 1 in d nite..
he calls back.!!!
so we talk for like an hour..
i ask him y he fot wid sadaf an he says she was bitchin bout me..
and she's "j" cuz she used to like raza and he said i dun think so gimme time...
and in tht "time" we strtd goin out.!!
so i say ohhh thts y she was starin
n then i feel bad cuz i ws bugged wid vinayak..
we tak tak tak n then i call raza spk to him till 2.30... his battery is low so d phone goes off....
n i sleep....

tht's been the past few days....
p.s: i really love my frnds i jus realised how lucky i am.!!!
p.s. 2 : divyak has called is blog COMEINTOMYWORLD..~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!! (HAHAHAHAHAHA.!)
alrite...
tc..
signin off....
me...!!!
god bless...

*+^ HAPI HAPI ME!!!!!!! *+^

it's like..
i used to dream
n hope
for someone....like him..
and i found him...in the MOST unexpected place.!!!PLAY REHEARSAL!!!
and i jus tht he was: "MAN HU I HAVE TO WORK WITH"
and he's not!!!
*beams*
it may seem like i'm braggin bout it..but i'm not...
lolzz
me.......!!!i suffer from low self esteem!!!!!!
he makes me happy...
he knows me..
he loves me..as a person...unlike some other "FREAKS"(!!!!!!)
and he lets me be myself..
*happy sigh*
*ear to ear grin*
but...
(yeah there has to be a but!!!!)
i'm scared.
petrified if u please.
wonderin...if it's too good to be true.....
if..
it's all it seems to be..
in my usual pessimistic way..
i've been told...
just enjoy it as it comes..but i can't...
so..
hopefully..i'm wrong..and it'll last...
and hopefully everything will be fine...
*crosses fingers*!!!
signin off...
god bless...
me.

*+^ LOVE POEM *+^

A Special World for you and me
A special bond one cannot see
It wraps us up in its cocoon
And holds us fiercely in its womb.
Its fingers spread like fine spun gold
Gently nestling us to the fold
Like silken thread it holds us fast
Bonds like this are meant to last.
And though at times a thread may break
A new one forms in its wake
To bind us closer and keep us strong
In a special world, where we belong.

*+^ True Friends *+^

A friend is someone we turn towhen our spirits need a lift.
A friend is someone we treasure,for our friendship is a gift.
A friend is someone who fills our liveswith beauty, joy, and grace.
And makes the whole world we live ina better and happier place.

*+^ The Strength I Call My Own *+^

I feel sometimes that I must re-invent myself or I will only be lost inside of an old shell. To molt and shed away a skin of the past is hard to do; Sometimes altogether pointless. However, I do it all the same, and must continue to do so.Small things mean a lot to me. Stupid things mean even more to me. Creating a new journal, a new screenname, choosing music to listen to, all affect me much more than they probably should. These are extensions of myself, intangible limbs that stem from my mind. I draw a strange, pure sense of satisfaction in achieving exactly the artistic image that I want to at any given moment. Listening to just the right song for the way I am feeling... instills a sense of euphoria that I can't replace with anything else int his world. As for the written word, I absolutely love being able to express myself in a form of my choosing, and writing is that medium. It's just one more vessel with which to excercise my thoughts.But expression and catharsis isn't for observing the world around me, it's for acting. For grasping a steel hand around that which haunts me. So, as I do these mundane, idiotic, meaningless things (as they may seem to some), I feel a strange sort of ascension, of defeating the ghosts that haunt me.I know somehow that, through these channels, I will gain power. I will become stronger. I never gave up to begin with, though. I never sat down and said, "take me, already, and be done with it!". I've always searched for an exit, for a pinhole through which to escape. However, Escape is only a step forward into another situation, into another atmosphere.The only thing that binds a man is the mirror he has to look into every morning. I choose to not only stare at that piece of glass with a determined gaze, but I will give the mirror a reason to exist. Hopefully, I won't shatter it like I've done so many times before

*+^ Who r ur top 5????*+^

my cuz frm italy just asked me.....
who r ur top 5 m/f n hin/eng celebrities?
damn tuff question dude!!!!

right...
so...
here goes....

TOP 5 HIN MALE
1.Sharukh
2.Aamir
3.Abishekh(H-O-T!!!)
4.Akshay Khanna
5.Shahid

TOP 5 HIN FEMALE
1.Kajol
2.Tabu
3.Rani
4.Gracy Singh
5.Kareena(lol.....it's tru!)

TOP 5 ENG MALE
1.Jack Nicholson
2.Sean Connery
3.KEANU REEVES!!!!(OMG SOOOO HOT IN SUMTHINGS GTA GIVE!!)
4.Hugh Grant
5.Colin Firth

TOP 5 ENG FEMALE
1.Catherine Z.J.
2.Julia Roberts
3.Julianne Moore
4.Helen Hunt
5.Charlize Theron

phew!!!!!!that was hard!!!
do post urs too...
thanku
signin off...
moi...

*+^ heroes *+^

Sometimes we hear about someone who does something outrageous.
They fight for a worthy cause, challenge the status quo and make a difference.
People like Gandhi who used non-violence to free a nation, or Mother Teresa who picks babies out of the garbage and loves lepers with words and deeds in the name of Jesus.
We call them heroes.
We get inspired.
We get passionate.
We almost stand in awe of these people.
Hope starts to flood in with ideas and possibilities of making the world a better place.
Yes we can make a change.
We can make a better tomorrow for our children.
It can happen.
It is possible.
We are charged with a new optimism and a living hope.
We are charged up and ready to go.
We are like a stick of dynamite!
As we begin to make a game plan and put passion into action, we get tested a bit.
Are we really willing to pay the price for it?
Will we stop at nothing to see a change for the better?
Can we truly fight the good fight?
Will we finish the race and complete what we started?
We get tested when our passion makes us hyper-sensitive.
These tests can take on different forms.
It can be a person who doesn’t agree that it can happen.
It can be resources that won’t come through.
Sometimes we get so passionately sensitive that we become offended by the tests.
We respond by cutting off the dream or find a new fellowship.
Sometimes we even give up and discouragement sets in and trauma and doubt.
Could it all be for nothing we ask?
Was I wrong?
Can we really make this place a better world for tomorrow?
Were the heroes really right?
But the tests are meant to strengthen our resolve.
They test the work to see if it will last or if it is true and pure and right.
Will we still stick it out?
How do we stay in the race?
What can we do to avoid discouragement and trauma?
Expect it!
Expect tests to come on the path.
Find a way to respond in a productive fashion.
A way that doesn’t compromise the vision but brings in more force and multiplies the momentum.
We need to respond in a way that makes others catch the vision and maybe even dare to come on board.
We need to be over comers and conquerors doing it with the right motives and means.
Not conquering each other but conqueror the unseen forces that work against us.
We also need to guide passion with wisdom and love.
We need to have passion guided by a love that is not easily provoked.
A love that bears all things and believes all things and hopes all things and endures all this.
A love that lays downs his/her life for a friend.
We need a model to follow as well.
God is perfect.
He had the love and vision and he even laid down his life for it.
When we study him, understand him, follow him and even worship him, we become like him.
We heed his words which can increase faith.
After we go through the tests that show if our work is true and pure and right, we realize that our vision was actually His.
When we continue to obey him his resources become our resources!
His Father our Father.
His Spirit our Spirit.
His passion our passion.
Those heroes who inspire us, who fight good fights with pure causes with righteous means point us back to God.
And we live out what we were meant to live!

*+^ a poem*+^

crying cos you 2 arent who i thought you were,
cos im not who i thought i was to you,
cos im not one of you
and cos it's like my world crashing all over again.
for the 5th and last time?
maybe you dont know cos you think i dont care.
ive got news: i do.
to say all the "i'm sorry"s and "love ya"s f
ace to face with one of you.
perhaps another 3 wks or less to say the same to the other of you.
it's never gonna be enough.
God gives, God takes, but God, do You have to make it hurt so?
i trust You'll bring more people to me, but this is gonna hurt more than anything else has before
love u all
im so alone theres no one here beside me-

Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside
Learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall
Remember you almost had it all

*+^ !@#$%^&*() *+^

WHY WHY WHY
DUN U GUYS REALISE THT I HAVE FEELINGS TOO?
U GUYS TK OUT WTEVA ANGER U HV OUT ON ME AND I AM LEFT WID ONLY ANGER OF LIKE 10 PPL
HOW MUCH TO TAKE
NOW M JUS SCARED TO COME TO COLLEGE
GOD KNOWS WHAT OTHER ISSUES WILL COME UP
I CAN'T TALK TO U GUYS IF THERE IS A PROBLEM CZ UL THINK M MAKIN IT UP
WHY DUN UL LOOK @IT FROM MY POINT OF VIEW
I JUS AM SO TIRED OF JUSTIFYING MYSELF
AM SO TIRED OF BEING SCARED TO GO ANYWHERE WITH UL
ALL THE TIME WEN I CAME TO YOU WITH MY PROBLEMS U WUD CONSOLE ME AND THEN TURN AROUND AND WONDER IF IT WAS REALLY TRUE
I AM TIRED OF LISTENINGI AM TIRED OF BEING QUIET
BUT UL ARE JUS SO CONVINCED THAT THERE IS NOTHING I CAN SAY TO CHANGE UR MINDS
I DUN WANNA FIGHT WHY CAN'T WE JUST HAVE FUN AND LET GO TOGETHER?
EVERYTIME WE R ALL TOGETHER IT'S USUALLY TO TELL ME SOMETHING OR THE OTHER
M TTTIIIRRREEEDDD OF IT
I JUS WANNA HAVE NO BARRIERS AND HAVE FUN
I TRY TO MAKE A CHANGEBUT HOW MUCH CAN I CHANGE?
I CAN'T BE SILENT AND SUBDUED FOR 15 DAYS...NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT WILL HELP...
THAT'S NOT ME...!!!!!
U SAY U ACCPT ME THE WAY I AM
BUT THEN U SAY CHANGE THIS AND THAT
U MAY NOT MEAN TO, BUT U R DEGRADING AND BELITTLING ME
I FEEL LIKE I HAVE NO GOOD QUALITIES!!!
I JUST HAVE ONE SIMPLE REQUEST........
LOOK AT IT FROM MY PT. F VIEW
I CAN'T TK MORE OF THIS...
JUST LIKE U CAN'T
I DUN MAKE UP ANYTHING
M TIRED OF REPEATING MYSELF
ENOUGH
LETS JUST ARRIVE @ A COMPROMISE
CZ IT'S BECOMIN TOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
POST COMMENTS AFTER THE POST
ME.
TRUE.
HONEST.
LOVING.
ME.
THE REAL ME.

*+^OMG I LOVE UL!!!!*+^

u seriously never realise how much ur frnds mean to u na....
but i just have and i LOVE them!
it's very rare that people find really good frnds who can tell you what they think of you @ any given point of time...
and who will laugh with u when u laugh
who won't ditch u wen u need them
hu r frank and honest if they dun believe u
hu give u chances
hu let u noe that they will always be there for ya
and hu make u feel spl yet no different
hu make u feel important and yet less significant
hu give u this amazin feelin of love
...
thank u guys so much
u dunno wt ur friendship means to me...
dedicated to
neha
nazneen
ashlene
tanya
jamie

anusuya
sanchi...
LOVE UL SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!

*+^WHY???????*+^

could my choice get worse????
first a footballer................!!!!!!!!!
now a weird slightly feminine bball player!!!!!!!!!!
hehehe
jamie's reaction ws d best wen i told her!!!!heeheehee
(WHY????????????????????{Screamed aloud in the train})
but wt 2 do yaaa
i really like him
the "moment"ws d best
but y am i writin this???
most of u readin this won't understand..
.heheh
tc...
god bless..
signin off....
me..

*+^ DD!!!!!!*+^

Ur 2 cute ya!!!
never thought we would become friends tho sometimes i still think u HATE ME!!!
(here's the part where...while reading this u have an astonished expression on your face and u say "how could she say that???i LOVE HER!!!!!)
{Wink wink}
{i'm serious}
anyway...
hanh
so..
where was i...
ya..
duded i HATED you in the beginnin and i swear i was so bugged with you over the whole juhu gym thing but anyway that's the past now...but..
I'M AN ELEPHANT AND WE NEVER FORGET!
so...
i enjoy your company a lot and i dun hide tht...
but i seriously wonder if u do.
and sometimes i feel like u gimme S-T-R-O-N-G signals tht u dun
anyway..
thanks for sometimes tellin...actually REMINDIN me bout how NAIVE i am and how i can be taken for a ride
and thank you for bein there durin the whole birthday shit
{hold on...u weren!!!!!u were worried bout yourself!!!}
{nice chop na?i learn frm d best!}
hehehe
i dun think i have anything more to write except u make me laugh so much that one day i think i'll have to get surgery cause my sides will burst!!
and ur damn sweet n damn nice and really WEIRD!!!
but i am glad we're friends cause it's a good experience u know...learnin from another's mistakes...
{another chop..i'm a good pupil!}
hehehe
but seriously keep in touch n dun bitch bout me
{what am i sayin u bitch bout everyone!!!}
and tc..
no mmmuah for you or ul think im hittin on you again!!!!!....freak......
{hehehe i'm jus so kicked!}
:D :D :D :D :D
tata
god bless!

*+^the mondy's fear*+^

i swear im officially TERRIFIED of mondy's!!!!!!
the moment my friends say "hey let's go to mond'ys..."
{horror music in background}
{eyes widen n back stiffens}
{senses on high alert!!!}
and then we sit down and order and then comes the DREADED phrase...
"ANISHA....WE HAVE TO TALK!!!!"
{repeat horror music}
i so hope this blog is more interesting ya now.....
or else i'll feel like a bronte sister or something
anyway....
i'm such a sly child....
deceiving my poor innocent mother
leading her to believe i'm in french tuts!
{evil frankensteiny laugh}
right
and i've lost it
friday was so AWESOME!!
i haven't eaten or laughed so much in a long time
and in my next blog i better dedicate something to dd...or else...
{spooky music}
i face an instantaneous,violent death!
alright...
the wacky(and new!!!!uh-huh neha aneri jamie tanya naz ass and pee!!!!!!!!!!!!)
anisha signs off...
tata...!!!!!!!!!!!
god bless!!!!{gujju accent!!!}

*+^WEIRD!!!*+^

2 days ago I realized how weird my dad actually is..i mean I know he’s my dad and I’m his daughter but how can u POSSIBLY love someone…or have that special “father-daughter” bond that we’re all supposed to have with someone who thinks you’re a non achiever…someone who thinks you have menial interests…someone who tells your mom…IN FRONT OF YOU…that he doesn’t have those feelings of love for you in the fatherly way???

It’s funny cause the equation is usually father daughter and mother son…but I CAN’T imagine having that sort of a relationship with him cause I can NEVER forgive him for saying what he said and doing what he did…I can’t imagine ANY father saying that about his child…specially not in FRONT of her….


And he’s the type who can be REALLY sweet at times but mostly he just NAGS NAGS NAGS and I don’t know what to do…even if I become an angelic daughter he WILL turn around and say.."I don’t like your halo!!!!"

I just can’t wait to become 21 or so..cause then I can MOVE OUT and get AWAY from him or else I’ll just kill myself trying to compromise.

I may not be the PERFECT daughter and I may sound REALLY selfish right now but…all the frustration is just BUILDING up…cause when he shouts at my mum she can shout back but I can’t and so I’m up to my ears in SHOUTS and SCREAMS and insults…

And yeah he may not have the best time either but I WISH he would understand…instead of applying one of his two remedies to everything…either hit or shout!!!!!!
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……………
Signing off….
God bless…..

*+^nahi.!*+^

Smoking

Smoking is a dumb habit.
Kind of like wearing a tie.
Who decided that tying a knot around the neck looks good?
Some guy just decided that this is formalwear?
There's only a couple people I'd like to hit.
But I'd like to knock that guy out.
Back to smoking...
Everyone who smokes started for the same reason.
Nobody ever started smoking because they liked the smell.
It's not the healthiest thing in the world.
It doesn't taste like chicken.
.So kids...Don't be stupid.

Chew gum.
Drink milk.
Tip cows.
Sell book reports on ebay.
Smoking is bad.
But cigars are oh so good.
n yeah everyone...me gonna set a SEXY example...uh-huh....

*+^be careful what u wish for*+^

Be careful what you wish for
Might be better than you thought
But when the dream is over
It can never be forgot

The past was always easy
Thought only of myself
It never used to hurt me
To put things on the shelf

But when your soulmate gives true love
Thoughts begin to blur
He is sent from up above
You only think of him

New hopes and dreams every day
The heart is never wrong
Fireworks in every wayI
s this where I belong

But now I know the answer
Fate rears its ugly headI
see that I’m a cancer
To the life he has ahead

He was all that mattered
But did he ever know
Those hopes and dreams are shattered
So hard to let them go

*+^yo momma......*+^

yo momma jokes..i jus LOVE THESE!!!!



Yo Momma So Stupid...
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She sat on the TV and watched the couch.
She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.S
he needs two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
At the bottom of a job application where it said "Sign Here"...she put Sagittarius.

*+^a soldier's prayer*+^

A Soldier's Prayer

I asked God for strength, that i might achieve,
I was made weak, that I might learn to humbly obey.

I asked for health, that I might do greater things,
I was given infirmity, that I might do better better things...

I asked for riches, that I might be happy,
I was given poverty, that I might be wise...

I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men,
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need for God...

I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life,
I was given life, that I might enjoy all things...

I got nothing that I hoped for-- but everything that I had hoped for,
Almost despite myfelt, my unspoken prayers were answered.

I am, among all men, most richly blessed!

*+^she once had religion*+^

She sits on the edge of the motel bed--
her clothes strewn about the floor
She is naked except for an ankle bracelet and a tribal band on her left arm.
(She once had religion)

Her lips and nails are a brilliant scarlet-
her pussy is shaved smooth as alabaster
She says it is easier that way
(She once had religion)

He met her in a bar-- a seedy bar
The kind where things happen
She was drawing beer from the tap
And lust from his imagination
Shorts, no underwear and Firm breasts
Pushing her Hanes T-shirt to the seams.
He was drawn in
He took her to a motel room
In a drunken stuporX-rated
Thirty bucks an hour--
Hurry up and get a nut
I'ts expensive to come here
She sits staring horizontally through a half-empty pint of Tequila
She stares into it as if it held a hidden meaning,
Higher Purpose or Transcendent Truth--
And she believes
(She Once Had Religion)
Open the door to a sordid world
Step in and take your place
Where immoral is moral Lies are truth
And nobody knows the difference
(And they don't care anyway)

*+a poem*+

Memories consume like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume, I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again
I don't want to be the one the battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight...

Clutching my cure, I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more, than any time before
I have no options left again
I don't want to be the one the battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight...

I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight...

*+^daniel bedingfield*+^

If you're not the one, then why does my soul feel glad today.
If you're not the one, then why does my hand fit yours this way.
If you are not mine, then why does your heart return my call..
If you are not mine, will I have the strength to listen at all..
I'll never know what future brings.
But I know you are here with me now.
Will make it through..And I hope you are the one I share my life with.
I dun wanna run away.
But I can take it..
I don't understand.
If I'm not made for you..
then why does my heart tell me that I am..
Is there any way that I can stay in your eyes~
If I don't need you, then why am I crying on my bed.
If I don't need you, then why does your name resound in my head..
If you're not for me, then why does this distance name my life.
If you're not for me, then why do I dream with you as my wife.
I don't know why is so faraway.
But I know that this made just truth.
Will make it through..
And I hope you are the one I share my life with.
And I wish that you could be the one I die with.
And I praying you are the one I buried my heart with.
I hope I love you all my life.
I dun wanna run away.
But I can take it.. I don't understand.
If I'm not made for you..
Then why does my heart tell me that I am.
Is there any way that I can stay in your eyes~.
.Cause I miss you..
But in soul so strong that it takes my breath away..
And I breath you into my heart then pray for the strength to extend today.
Cause I love you..
Where is the wrong did it lie as though I can be with you tonight.
And know my heart is by your side.
I dun wanna run away.But I can take it.. I don't understand.
If I'm not made for you..
Then why does my heart tell me that I am.
Is there any way that I can stay in your eyes~..

*+^an amazing emotion*+^

i am groping in the darkness, like a new born child,helpless and unprotected.
my hands flail wildly in the air,without any aim or precision.
i need something to guide me...something perfect...something Utopian.I dont know what yet,but i'll find out.

i am in a dark room.my body is enclosed wihtin these 4 walls.but my spirit and mind ache to soar.soar high into the sky,where the eagles fly and where the clouds rest serenly.i need inspiration and spontaneity.i don't know what kind yet,but i'll find out.

i am in a green field filled with flowers.the blue sky awaits me.the world awaits me.to see what i can do.and judge what i can't.my untapped potential and talent is inside me waiting to get a chance to show my true self to the world.i need a release.i don't know what kind yet,but i'll find out.

i am in a crowded train.many faces,many stories,many hopes and many dreams.why do i want to be the one who makes a difference?why can't i be just another person,without a face or an identity?ecause that's just NOT who i am.i need individuality.i don't know how yet,but i'll find out

i am living my life as it comes,as Anisha Sharma.a 16 year old girl.why do i get these high-flying thoughts now?won't i get hurt?won't i spend nights after nights sitting and crying?i need a guardian angel.i don't know who it will be yet,but i'll find out.

someone catches my hands.stops the flailing.makes it perfect.
someone whispers in my ears and gives me inspiration.makes me spontaneous.
someone comes to me in the field and is ready to listen to my thoughts and ideas.gives me a release.
someone in the train gets up and tells me what makes me so special,what makes me stand out.what gives me my own special individuality.
in my life.someone is there by my side,promising to be my guardian angel and protect me...wipe away my tears.

who is this mystery person?what drives him?
the person..i wish i knew..
his face will seem familiar...his walk...reassuring...his smile...something which brightens up my day...his laugh..like the tinkling of chimes in the breeze...his touch..like that of a baby's hand.
what drives him??
a simple 4 lettered emotion.
which is craved for by the young and the old,the happy and the unhappy,the rich and the poor.
it unites millions.
it prevents war and creates peace.
it ends long conflicts.
but still,we tend to take it for granted.
how could we do that?knowing its magnitde..
i slaute this emotion and i thank God for havng created it.
because it makes all the difference in a person's otherwise colourless life.
LOVE.
hats off to you.!

*+^love*+^

I felt the odour of deceit
And seen the loyalty of betrayal
I have tasted the truth of lies
And tainted my future
Accelerating maturityI
have memorized the face of depression
And passed the test of heartbreak
I have received the gift of unfeeling
And tainted my destiny
Jaded

I have given something…

*+^i want love*+^

We all crave for romance and love like in the fairytales, but how innocent can love actually be for us? Or how happy did most of our romance ended?

I want love
Like those in the stories
Like those in the stories
Like those in the stories
I want romance
Like Cinderella and the Prince
Like Cinderella and the Prince
Like Cinderella and the Prince
Like Cinderella in the story
The crystal shoe in the story
But only stories
Only stories
I want love
I also want the ending
Will we conclude our story?
I want romance
Like those in the stories
Like Cinderella and the Prince
The crystal shoe in the story
How concluding will our story be?I
want love in the stories
Cinderella and the Prince
Will ours be a happy ending?
I want love like Cinderella and the Prince
But ours hasn’t got a happy ending
I want love like the crystal shoe in the story
But ours is a happily never-after ending

*+^December love story*+^

Me

I like sleeping in your arms
Making me feel like a child
I sleep soundly
For stupor always hit me

I like seeing you smile
Life seems so wonderful for you
I could feel the hidden sadness
A mystery I may never know

I like hugging you to sleep
Touching your bare skin
Caressing your back
InnocentlyI like lying on your tummy

An unexplained comfort
Soothing
Heavenly
I gave you companionship

Giving heat
Showing you only one sign
Did you get it?
You know I like you

I admit I do
I can waste my love on you
It shows that I am still human
I gave it up

But not to a point of nothing left
I guess I could still turn back
Even if I am hurt at the end
I know I can Still live
And move on

I gave you satisfaction
Giving love
Showing you one signal
Guess you refused it
I accept it
I have to admit defeat

Wasting my love on you
Guess I am only human
Not a superman
I need affection too
I need reciprocation

Maybe I am selfish
Maybe I am weak
But I am only human
I can never predict
Our future
I can never read you correctly
Guess I can only enjoyOur December love story

*+^what is it meant to be?*+^

You gave me a feeling of instability
Blowing hot and cold
Showing me opposite signals
Yet I took it

I know you are lonely
You just need company
When you needed me To fulfill
The empty spot within
I filled it up
But not to the brim
For I will never satisfyThat emptiness
Perhaps I am not him

You made me happy
Gave me sadness
Concurrently
Making me confused
Giving me puzzles
To solveI know you are lonely
All along You only needed companionship Temporarily

When someone Anyone
Is needed to fill that empty spot
I filled it up
But not to the brim
For I will never satisfy
That emptiness
Perhaps I am not her

You made me feel neglected
Gave me attention Concurrently
Making me confused
Giving me fragmentsTo piece
I took it Willingly
You gave me
Fantasies

*+^me n ma rhymes....*+^

weird rhymes i make.....
I.

That lawyer’s cancer that thrived and burst unradiated;
some touristwho slipped off the cliff;
the housewifewho left her family for a boy her boy’s age;
the husband who gambled, stole,with the whole house of cards cascadingover his wife’s head.
We titter andchatter and wonder what happened.
So far, you and I have survived,
butI’m rather concerned:might you be next?

II.

In the dark room the film’s dipped in chemicals—
the light red as blood, as new life.
The bodies come forth joined out of the mud, from chaos.
Lines join legs to trunks, hands to chests, paper dolls cut out, fused.
It is them together.
Now they are stripped and left hanging on the line to dry.

III.

Slight as a word that just pushed its way out of thought;
fragile as a ladybug’s wings;
the shaking shroud of dropping dew inthe morning leftover from night;
the silver spider’s web built and brushed out of the spotless room;
the brittle silence of two lovers licking their wounds;
the flashof a falling star which everyone missed but one:
a girl witha razor sitting in the bathroom,the gentle rattle of a doorknob,the whispered inquiry, the blade grasped which cuts another palm,
the dangerous moment caught midairand set back down unbroken.

IV.

On an orb of darkness a single spark ignites,
a star from heaven wrapped in hay.
A sweet baby boy nurses at his mother’s breast,
wonder of kings with gifts and shepherds and beasts who kneel before Him.
Death lurks beyond the blessed crib:
Herod’s sword unsheathed to cut down children,
and the Christ Child Himself is guarded by angels.
Death waits, ravenous, but the Child will cheat the jealous lord of his prey and fulfill all promised to God’s whole people in Himself.
As He sleeps, the peace of the world begs to be born when He wakes.

V.

Curling, blackened paper; charred thought.
The whispers of ages crisp and whistle in the flames:
a bill of sale, a sermon, a dispatch for the troops,the love note of a voice slain again.
Fire licks the scrawls of writers felled by bulletsor in their beds, cleaning out their joy and rage
and sweeping their musings into ashes of oblivion.
Civic speeches flare with chemistry texts,
illustrated prayers glow beside invoices,and the courtship letters of husband and wife,
buried side by side,
ignite with desert tales of lust--
all erased by the match’s sandy flint,
crimson like a pencil’s rubber end.
The inferno gorges on phrases and commits them back to the earth which once bore their authors all alike--
wordless, with the inarticulate scream of birth.

*+^paradise...mmmuah!*+^

Paradise is something I think we has humans all long for. Some great existence of some far off land, an isolated space in our minds; a fable we all imagine in diverse ways. I have a paradise, my seclusion, my fairytale.I step out of the black, gloomy, and solitary room of worthlessness and at once my face is warmed by the nurturing sun. My body tingles with enthusiasm and I can feel the sensation of bliss to my very core. My feet are welcomed by the soft blanket of sand beneath them and my ears drink up the reverberation of waves crashing upon a close by shore. Ever so slowly I open my eyes and take in the splendor which has been bestowed upon me, this is no delusion; this is my ecstasy. Liberated from the shadows and granted eternal dwelling in this heaven I laugh aloud. Poetically I spin in dancing circles as the sun’s rays cascade around me capturing my soul for all eternity, but that’s ok for this is my paradise. I run towards the fascinating turquoise blue ocean with its white sandbars extending beyond my eyes’ vision of the horizon. The first touch of the sea water sends chills down my spine though the water is not cold. It is chills from the pure exhilaration that my whole body is experiencing, at this realization of total sovereignty. Resisting enticement no longer I dive into the waves and allow the ocean to embrace every inch of my body. I feel the water run through each tress of my hair, washing my body of all the darkness and rinsing away all the hurt, such purification. I swim for hours never becoming fatigued. Finally I lay on the shore with the waves rolling around me, the wet sand my bed and the never ending blue skies my blanket. Could life be any superior then this?It is then that I hear footsteps behind me. I jump to my feet but I am not alarmed for these footsteps are familiar. I turn and realize that you have found me and my heart sings. Running to you I leap into your arms, you catch me and I know now that this is real and not a hallucination, for I can feel your heart beating next to mine. I take your hand and lead you to the waves, to serenity, to paradise……My paradise.Do you dare to believe, in paradise?

*+^THE MOST PROFOUND THANK YOU*+^

hey sweetie..
firstly...
mmmmmmmmmmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!
and secondly...
ssssssssooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
now down to business
ur d one who brings my brain down to earth
ur frankness helps me more than anyone's deception
and ur smile brings more light to me than a bag of chocolates!
it's so so good knowing that ur there...u noe...jus a call away....
n that u should noe bout me 2.
i'm glad we're friends sanchi...
cz it's summin i wouldn have wanted to miss out on
n thanks for shouting at me wen i was wrong
sorry 4 d times i pissed u off
n i want u to know that u'l ALWAYS have my shoulder to cry on or lean on
i love u!
dunno wt i would've dun widout ya
:D :D :D :D
i dun have words to express wt i wanna tell u.
n u better believe it gurl...
u rok!
mmmuuuah!

*+^Walk a mile in my shoes*+^

Walk a mile in my shoes,
Spend a day as me.
And you'll know the truth,
Something I never let anyone see.

You'll see how well i act,
What a god show i put on.
You'll see what's a lie and what's a fact
And how my heart is torn

I'm torn between the devil and the high sea
I'm suffering every day
All this you will see
And then hear me say

Walk a mile in my shoes,
Spend a day as me.
And you'll know the truth,
Something I never let anyone see.

You'll see how much I value you all,
And why I depend on you so.
You'll understand that without your help I'll fall,
All this you'll know, and more.

So before you jump to any conclusions,
Before you lay down any rules.
Take a look at my tribulations
And walk a mile in my shoes.